I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
