I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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