Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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