Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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