You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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