I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
