her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I checked into jail on foursquare
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
