Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
