Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
