Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
