loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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