mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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