You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
