He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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