So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
