Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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