I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
