i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
