singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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