Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
