would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
