DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
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