Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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