I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
