My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
