I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
