not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
