I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
