listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
