you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
