i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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