I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
