Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
