there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Is it because I queefed?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
