So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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