so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
