were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
