WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
