Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
