Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
