You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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