Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
