i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
