some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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