I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
