have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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