Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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