I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We need to rekindle our bromance
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
