Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
