My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
