I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
