the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
