This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
