Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
