It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
