I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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