She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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