He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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