I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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